Any Excuse Will Do & Any Name You Can Think Of
by Kate-Emma
Summary: Complete - Set one year in the future, Bomber faces a tricky situation when her sister decides to move closer and come meet her new boyfriend at the same time... Bomber/Spider and OC - Jessica Carlisle
1. Any Excuse Will Do

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Sea Patrol

Any Excuse Will Do…  
Spider. Bomber.  
NB; _takes place 1 ½ years in the future_

If there was a list of things she'd done in her life and regretted, well, it would be a long one. How long Rebecca 'Bomber' Brown couldn't actually say, but long enough to make her stress. Thankfully though she hadn't created that list, and instead just sat in her cabin on the Hammersley, silently stressing about her latest error of judgement. Second-guessing herself wasn't something she did often, it was probably something she's resigned as being something her boyfriend did, but still she did it and it made her worry. What was she becoming? Who was she becoming? But as she sat staring at the e-mail she'd just received, she thought maybe this mistake was worth the stress. It was from her sister Jess, a country-girl at heart unlike Bomber who'd run as far and as fast as she could from her hometown of Mount Isa a long time ago. Jess, husband and baby in tow, was selling up the farm and moving to Cairns. Bomber gaped. But there was worse to come. In a week she was coming to inspect the house one last time and was wondering if it would be okay if she could come to port to visit and that she would love it if she could meet the man her 'dear big sister' spoke about far too often. Bomber froze. Jess wanted to meet her boyfriend? The concept of this man, although she was happy to share her stories with Jess, meeting the last of her family was a terrifying concept. Especially since it had only been two weeks, just two weeks ago, that she had actually started referring to him as such. It had felt somewhat strange, before then, even though she knew their relationship had gone to that level a long time ago. Still, on a tiny little ship like the Hammersley, it was probably better that they didn't refer to it in such a way. On the ship they were mates, friends and crewmates. Just two in a team. Able Seaman Rebecca 'Bomber' Brown, Chef, and Able Seaman Billy 'Spider' Webb, Bosun's Mate. Both part of the boarding party, both working under the guidance of Pete 'Buffer' Tomaszewski, a man they both admired, and the youngest in the crew, average age of 23. As far as anyone on the ship needed to know, that was it. But now there was a problem, not so much on the ship but off it. Spider, meet her sister? The concept of Spider ever meeting the family hadn't even crossed Bomber's mind, she didn't think what they had was anywhere that serious. Yet. There was still that little word that haunted her. But now Jess wanted to meet 'this man in your life' as she'd called him, and Bomber, the rational one in the relationship, was stuck for a way to get out of it. Unless… She went to find Spider.

She found him in the mess, eating the shelf peanuts and staring at the TV that was now blaring the news. He heard someone enter and glanced up, giving Bomber a small smile. He turned back to the TV, engrossed in a tacky report about a juggling monkey. Bomber scoffed at it and he gave her a frown. "This is actually very entertaining, I'll have you know. Bobo is a wild monkey." He explained.

Bomber just raised her eyebrows, no longer shocked by Spider's ability to know exactly what she was thinking. They'd always been like that. It was a comforting but also terrifying thought. Any kind of mental connection with Spider made Bomber restless with worry that her brain could one day melt into amusement at juggling monkeys. She laughed softly to herself and Spider looked up from the TV. "You're laughing at me again, aren't you?" He asked, narrowing his eyes at her jokingly.

Bomber just smothered a smile and shook her head. "Would I do that?" She replied. He gave her a small pout but said nothing so Bomber continued. "You shouldn't eat all those peanuts, you'll give yourself a stomach ache."

Spider just shrugged and put another small handful in his mouth, chewing with his mouth slightly open. Bomber shielded her eyes and turned away. "Oh, you're disgusting." She exclaimed, still refusing to look at him.

She heard Spider laugh. "You love it." He joked. Bomber shook her head. It was true though. These little things were what made up Spider, and while she valued him she valued them too. She heard him pat the seat beside him. "Come, sit, I promise to share the peanuts." He teased.

Bomber just laughed before turning back and finding him giving her one of his stupid grins. Shaking her head she joined him at the table, taking a seat across from him rather than next to him as he'd suggested. He gave her a blank look at this but then smiled, pushing the peanut tin towards her. She took them, put the lid back on, and sat on them. "This is for your own good." She explained.

Spider feigned looking disappointed, his acting worse than his obsession with peanuts, and then gave a cheeky smile. "Don't make me come over there and take them back." He raised his eyebrows mockingly.

Bomber pretended to look sick at the concept and put the peanuts back on the table. Spider sighed and shook his head, finally genuinely looking disappointed. "Oh what?" He pushed them back towards her. "I don't want them anymore."

Bomber laughed and put them on the bench behind her, turning back to see Spider watching her. She gave him a small smile and he tipped his head. "I'm guessing you didn't just come here to abuse me." He stated.

Bomber rolled her eyes. "No, my entire existence is about finding the perfect moment to make you depressed." She said sarcastically.

Spider nodded slowly, like he believed it, and Bomber just tipped her head slightly, scoffing at him. He just grinned back at her. "Actually…" Bomber continued, more slowly. Spider's face went blank again as he listened and Bomber felt a little put-off by how much attention he was giving her. Were it up to her she'd skip over the whole conversation in a matter of seconds. But the didn't seem to be likely. "I was wondering, seeing as it's shore leave next week, what you had planned."

Spider stuck out his bottom lip, shaking his head, clearly trying to remember if he'd planned anything. "Nothing, really. I planned a few beers with my brother but that's it."

Bomber made to stand up. "Well, if you have plans…" But Spider reached across the table and grabbed her arm, pulling her back into her seats. He chuckled at her.

"A few beers with Rick isn't exactly 'plans'. Unless you're implying I'm some sort of alcoholic?" He gave her a cheeky smile and a look out of the corner of his eye, but Bomber didn't notice. Dammit, there went her excuse. "Why? Already desperate to get away from me?"

Bomber shook her head. Of course not. She was desperate to get away from Jessica. "No, it's just, my sister is moving and wants to see me."

Spider frowned. "Well, why didn't you just say so? Does she need some help moving things?" He asked.

Bomber wasn't surprised at all by how quickly Spider had offered to help her sister, it was in his nature, but it didn't help her campaign to avoid asking him this very embaressing question. "No, she's not moving yet. Actually she's coming to town and was hoping to… uh, meet you." She said the last bit very quickly, causing Spider to chuckle again, but it seemed he'd figure out what she'd said anyway.

"That's what this is about? You've already got me lined up for 'meet the family'. Great!" He joked, but Bomber didn't take it as such.

"Look, really, it's stupid. I'll just tell Jess that…" But Spider cut her off again.

"Bec, you really don't want to do this do you?" He said. Bomber looked at the table. Spider smiled. "Am I really that embarrassing?" He joked again. Bomber looked up at him, serious, and the next joke on Spider's lips fell. "I'll happily meet your sister. Seems only fair seeing as I've already had Rick abuse you and Gem just put you in more than one awkward position – I think I owe you."

Bomber shook her head. "No, really, it's all stupid. I'm sorry I ever brought it up." She made to stand up again but again Spider stopped, grabbing her arm across the table. She looked back at the table but, when Spider's hand left hers, she looked up to see he'd joined her on her side of the table, shoving her across slightly so he could sit down.

"How often will we have to go through the family thing. I know enough to not be scared of your sister. We both have enough family issues to worry about ourselves without making it another burden for us." He pointed out, making complete sense probably for the first time in his life. "Your problems with your mother; we solved that didn't we? My overbearing brother, we solved that. And Gemma adores you, mentions you every time I talk to her. I think she's just making sure I don't let you get away. So why do you think there will be a problem with Jessica? If she's even half as awesome as you and I'll sure I'll like her." He placed a hand softly on the back of Bomber's neck and pulled her to him, kissing her forehead. "Now, stop being an idiot and tell your sister we'll see her next Tuesday." He added, his usual tone returning.

Bomber laughed and looked up at him. "Thank you."

Spider just stood up, grabbing the peanuts and turning off the TV. He glanced back at her. "Don't thank me. Thank you. Finally I'm the rational one in this relationship." And with a superior smirk he left the room. Watching him go Bomber just shook her head. It was a bad day when Spider started making sense. And, with that comforting thought in mind, she went to e-mail her sister.


	2. Any Name You Can Think Of

**Any Name You Can Think Of**;  
Bomber/Spider.

_NB; sequel to Any Excuse Will Do_

Jessica Carlisle sat at the crowded restaurant waiting somewhat patiently for her sister to arrive. As usual, she was late. Jess checked her watch again, flicking her long brown hair out of her face as she did. At only 19 Jessica was a picture of teenage beauty, every inch of her skin flawless save for the two beauty spots below her nose and left eye. Her hair was long, a light brunette and wavy. She was a gorgeous figure, 179cms tall and thin. No one could've guessed she was a country girl with a baby son named Alexander and a 22-year-old husband. She fit almost seamlessly into the Cairns lifestyle, just the right amount of beach and the right amount of southern Queensland sass. It was Cairns or Brisbane and she chose Cairns for the obvious reason – her sister was here. The last of the Brown family, Jessica and her wild-child big sister Rebecca were becoming closer and closer everyday, and with Jess leaving their family farm in Mount Isa to go coastal it seemed likely to be closer. Now, if only she would run on time. When she was 20 minutes late Jess tapped the table. At 30 minutes late she ordered a drink. At 40 minutes late she attacked the complimentry bread rolls. Then, 45 minutes late, Rebecca Brown finally walked into the room. And with her, the elusive William Webb. Or so she'd been told he was called, though a second later he introduced himself as Billy and Jess preffered that. Though she'd sworn her sister to secrecy, Jessica had been born with a conjoined name, one that she had hated even more than she now hated being called Jessica. Jessica-Renee. Not a middle name. Her first name. The hyphen died, she became Jess, and the world was a happier place. So when she realised 'William Webb' was actually a bit of a country bumpkin himself and preffered Billy, Jess was about ready to scream 'welcome to the family' and sign the marriage certificate. She may have also been thinking of ensuring none of their children got double-barelled first names. And then Bec waved her hand in her sister's face.  
"Jess? Yo, you in there?" She laughed. Billy smiled.  
Jess grinned. "Sorry, thinking about…" She paused. Anything but the truth. Freak out the poor guy. It was common knowledge that Brown women were eccentric, but he didn't need to know how much. "Uh, how late you were. Got some 'splainin' sister!" She joked.  
Billy put up his hand. "Sorry, that was me." He and Bec shared a smile. Jess didn't ask for an explanation. Especially when her stomach grumbled.  
"Look, hate to break this up but Auntie Jane can't cook to save herself so I need food now!" She muttered, casting her eyes towards the menus at the end of the table. It was true, their mum's sister was a shocking cook and her little house outside Cairns smelt like cats. Even if she could cook Jess knew she wouldn't be hungry anyway.  
Bec smiled up at her sister. "Your stomach first little sis, then we talk about your moving plans." She threatened. Jess pretended to be worried, but gave up (she'd failed drama – didn't think that was possible but she had) and returned to the menu. But this restaurant was classy and she couldn't read half the words. She looked up to find Billy struggling too, having cast Bec a look. Rebecca had always been the classier one of the sisters, speaking French the top of her classy list, and knew what a jus was.  
Jess sighed dramatically. "I just want a piece of steak, medium well, and a coldie." She put her cheek down on her first.  
Billy shot her an appreciative look and Jess liked the guy more and more. She wondered whether the child would get Bec's nose or Billy's? His was a little crooked. Bec's was cute. Jess had always envied her sister's nose. And her chin. But now she looked she preferred Billy's chin. It had a dent in it. Dents were cute. And his dimples. Cutest baby ever. What about G… Her thoughts were lost to the appearance of the waiter.  
Jess glanced up at him after Bec ordered for she and Billy, the man just watching her appreciatively. Yeah, definitely his dimples… "Uh," She glanced at the menu. "Smoked salmon with asparagus and sour beet jus." She ordered. He nodded and took the menus.  
Bec laughed as he walked away. "Fish with beans and beetroot sauce?" She asked.  
Jess shrugged. "Had the most English in it. You take my asparagus, hate the stuff. Tom eats it straight out of the can. Disgusting." She grinned at the thought of her husband and wondered how he was going at home. She'd be back soon. It was good, cos she missed her boys terribly.  
As if reading her mind, Bec asked about Alex. "How's Alexander going?" She asked.  
Jess' face lit up at the mention of her son. She fished into her bag and pulled out a small army of photos. "He's doing great. Had a cold last month. Tom nearly died. He's an insane father!"  
Billy glanced at the photos from beside Bec. "He's gorgeous. How old is he?"  
"16 months, 2 weeks, 6 days. Not that I'm counting or anything." Jess grinned stupidly.  
Bec laughed and passed Billy the photos. Jess smiled. Paternal. Good, good. She wondered how he was with kids. She'd ask Bec that later, when she didn't run the risk of getting one of her sister's trademark death stares. "So, how's your baby, the galley of the HMAS Hammersley?" Jess teased, putting the photos away as Billy pushed them across the table.  
Bec glanced at Billy. "Oh yeah, you know, inhabited by bugs." Jess guessed an inside joke but smiled anyway. "Everything's good. And the farm?"  
"Failing miserably, but we got a buyer. I think he wants to build on the land though, does a great impersonation of a Texan oil chief. Says we're basically on the edge of one of the fastest growing country towns in Queensland. The only growth we've had in Mount Isa over the last 5 years was attendance at Snakey's Bar, but I'm not going to tell him that."  
"So that's why you're moving here? Bad farming land?" Billy asked.  
Jess nodded. "That, and Alex needs a good place to grow up. Cairns offers so much more for him, and he can be near Aunty Bec-Bec." Jess teased.  
Bec frowned at her sister. Billy laughed. "You should bring him down to the docks, he'd probably like the big ships."  
Jess nodded. "Yeah, he might. You can take him on a tour. Aunty Bec-Bec and her toyboy." Jess joked. Billy laughed. Bec growled.  
"Ignore her. She's only 19."  
"20, in a month." Jess pointed out. She glanced at Billy. "Sorry, didn't mean that."  
Billy just smiled. "It's fine." He laughed at Bec's expression. "Calm down Bomb, it was a joke." Bec smiled hesitantly. Clearly the age difference between she and Billy was a no-go zone. Not that it really mattered, two years. It wasn't like Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. Jess stopped. Ashton, there was a nice name for a child. Ashton Webb, she could see it. Bec's eyes, Billy's dimples.  
Dinner turned up. Thank goodness, because Jess knew she was getting a bit odd. Good thing neither of them could see into her head, cos it was a bit messed up in there right now.

* * *

"Bomber has a confession to make." Billy said, glancing at Bec with a cheeky grin. They were half-way through their meal and a rather empty conversation about politics (a date killer if there ever was one, but thankfully Bec and Billy seemed to agree that all politicians were morons) and the comment was completely out of the blue.  
Jess put down her fork as Bec glared at Billy. He didn't seem fazed by it. "Yeah, what up sis?" Jess enquired.  
Bec said nothing, so Billy continued. "Bomb came to me last week begging for an excuse to get out of this." He revealed.  
Jess gaped at her sister. "Awww, Bec-Bec. Don't you love me anymore?" Jess teased, knowing her sister would've come anyway, with or without Billy.  
Bec growled at Billy. "Spider has a confession to make. He slept with a nightlight until he was 12!" She returned.  
Billy gaped this time. "How did you… you?" He stuttered. Jess just cracked up laughing at the looks on their faces.  
"I spoke to your mum." Bec revealed, looking like that cat who'd got the cream. "I also learnt about Mr Snuggles, the stuffed elephant. That's a bit sad Billy."  
Billy looked so beaten Jess had to speak up. Bec had clearly forgotten Jess was there, or underestimated just how much she enjoyed watching Bec and Billy taunt each other. "So it's a good thing he doesn't know about Francine, your stuffed cat you kept on your bed until you were 14, right?" She grinned.  
Billy laughed and smacked his hand down on the table. "Ha." He glanced at Jess. "Got anything else?"  
"You mean like her fear of the garden hose when she was 10? Oh, no i…" Jess was getting warmed up, but Bec stopped her.  
"I hate you both, you know that?" She said, but a stupid smile was on her face and she looked at them both affectionately. She stabbed a piece of Jess' asparagus and threatened to flick it at her. Billy took the fork from her hand and ate it instead.  
"Hey, this isn't too bad." He said, obviously having never had asparagus before. He stole the rest off Bec's plate. The sisters laughed. All was good.

* * *

"So, when you back to the Mount?" Bec asked, walking her sister to her car.  
"Next Friday I'm off. Then packing up, back here in two months, that's when the house is officially ours." Jess grinned excitedly.  
"Need any help moving stuff, just call us okay?" Billy offered.  
Jess gave him a smile. "Thanks." She shook Billy's hand. "It was nice to finally meet you." She said. Billy returned the shake and then wandered off, giving the sisters some time. "I love him. Can you just tie him down now so he can't get away?" Jess whispered to her sister as Billy got a good distance away.  
Bec laughed. "You are twisted Jess, you know that right?"  
Jess shrugged and pulled open the car door. "I get it from you." She hopped in and started up the car as Bec took a step back. She wound down the window. "I'll call you tomorrow?" Jess asked.  
Bec nodded. "I'll be waiting."  
Jess smiled and then suddenly it came to her. "That's it! Samuel!" She called to her sister as she pulled the car out of the parking spot. Billy gave her a wave from the other side of the road. "Samuel!" Jess called back to her sister.  
And from the frown and glare on Bec's face, Jess knew she understood.


End file.
